The road to self love

The path to self love can be taken one day at a time and with one step at a time.
Since I was eight years old I have always been worried that I was too fat. When I was in primary school I would leave home without eating breakfast because I was worried about my weight.
By the time I was twelve I would measure my self worth by the number and size of my jeans.
If the number in my jeans had double digits, I would believe that I am less; Less loveable, less desirable,  ugly and not worth any good in my life.  I struggled to see my body in a positive way.
There have been times that have starved myself in the hope of receiving the love and attention that I craved for from the opposite sex.  There were times that I have buckled under the pressure and stress that I would put myself through and gorge myself with comfort foods and gain weight.
Every time that I would gain weight I would attempt to lose the weight by joining a gym and exercising.  I would start walking around the block in the attempt to lose the ten or twenty kilograms that I had gained. 
With every step that I took I would belittle myself and deepen the self loathing and disdain that I had for myself and for my body. 
This would become a vicious cycle that I have had in my life for almost forty years.
But this year I have chosen to do it differently!
With almost four decades of yoyo dieting and intense self loathing I knew that what I was doing wasn't working and I needed to change.
The only way I would be able to change this dynamic in my life is to get completely honest with myself. 
I have always enjoyed moving but passionately disliked the thought of exercising in the traditional format  i.e. gym, weights and aerobics.
I bought an activity tracker and decided to enjoy my walks and change the way I would approach my mental process of moving my body.
As I walked I refrained from the typical push hard and reverted to enjoying the sights and sounds. I would remain consistent in everyday to go that little bit further.  I chose to be proud in every attempt and in every success I made.  With every step, I would make the sweet surrender to self love.  Walking my way towards loving myself and enjoying the freedom to move with no rules or regulations.
Each day I work towards improving from the day before, moving closer towards my goals and this weekend I am happy to announce I have had a victory!
Before I started this journey this year I chose to walk one kilometre, two or three times a week. But this week after working consistently towards loving myself and taking one day at a time, one step at a time I have achieved a mile stone. This weekend,  on Saturday I have walked over thirteen kilometres and on Sunday I have walk over seven kilometres.
With every step I felt love pulsate through my veins. Love for myself and the love and exhilaration with the moving of my body. I climbed to the side of a mountain and felt so proud of my achievement and with this I was ecstatic.
When on the road to self love it does take one day at a time.
But it is when you become consistent and gentle with yourself, this when you will find the greatest rewards.
with all my warmth and heart

Chintamani Bird
Chintamani Bird


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