For the past 12 weeks my life has been turned upside down again. I don't complain too much, but I do wonder why I need to go through so much.
I have cried almost everyday but today and this past week I have had a momentary sigh of relief that the intense grief for my daughter leaving home is starting to subside. Although as I write, a tear is running down my left cheek.
The first day that I realised that she had been self-harming and suicidal was the day that my life and her's changed forever.
I have cared and looked after my daughter, living and breathing her essence for the past six and half years.
As a mother it has been my life's purpose to always ensure that my children have felt loved. To know that my child was in so much pain is devastating. To realise that I was the only one that could save her was also equally alarming.
Over the years my thought's and ideals have been based on love and the belief that "Only good can come of this."
My values and beliefs have often been challenged by my own life events. My daughter's hardships have been difficult because it has required me to push myself harder, creating more courage, strength and love than I thought possible.
Having difficult moments in life seems to be a part of my life's make-up. Putting my life on hold for every dramatic and devastating event has never served me well. The day I chose to look for the good instead of the bad was the day I was triumphant in leading my life towards a brighter future.
What good can come of my daughter feeling so devastatingly low in her very short life. Through her journey there are many blessings to have:
My daughter is alive today because I chose to not give up or give in.
We discovered that she has a receptive and expressive language delay, and has some significant learning difficulties
She has an Olympian as a mentor.
She and I have gotten closer than we have ever been before.
As a woman and mother I have learnt how to fight for what I believe in. I have become stronger than I thought possible. Through this process I have learnt more about myself; who I am and what I am capable of.
My daughter is only sixteen and I hope and pray that she will be okay. Only time will tell. There are never any guarantee's in life. What I have recognised is that no matter what happens, when I look for the good, instead of the bad, "only good can come of this." Through the twist and turns of life, we have the potential to learn, create and inspire. When life gives us hard times, we do not need to be harden to become stronger.
Wisdom is learnt as well as earned.
Believe in yourself today and don't wait.
With all my warmth and heart
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