The challenge was not to give up. Giving up was such an attractive option. There were days where I thought “ok, I’ve had enough of being strong, I don’t want to do this anymore!”
I remember the time when I wanted to give up and I was in my car dodging telegraph poles. I knew I needed to break the cycle of suffering and it was going to take some time for me to really see the beauty within myself. I thought that I couldn’t go on, but I am so glad I did! The opportunity that was bestowed upon me with all the experiences of my life was that I became acutely aware that love was in need of me and I was in need of it. I came from a background that love was the only answer that I could come up with. The search was long and hard. And there was a lot of searching that ended up in a not yet competent state. In other words, looking for love in all the wrong places.
The day I change the course of my life:
I thought that having a man would complete me. I tried so hard to find the perfect mate. My past history proved me to be not a great judge of character.
I made a choice:
To live life with as much gusto as I could muster. To not let myself down in my own actions. Why should I wait for another to give me permission or approval to live life to the fullest. I want to sing love and dance. I want to fulfil my dreams of white water rafting and not holding back on life.
I was holding back, frightened of being judged or not accepted for what I really want in life. So I lived half a life for half of my life.
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